I've often heard people say, “I have no regrets
because otherwise I wouldn't be the person I am today”. While I understand the
sentiment, I've always hated that quote.
Looking back on my life, I realize how many things
I could have done differently and I recognize that there’s always room for
improvement.
I’m in a unique time in my life, where I've
completed my university study, I’m unemployed, single, and seem to have more
time on my hands than I ever have before. This is the first time in eleven
years that I've not juggled study, work, multiple sporting teams and church
activities.
Naturally, all this extra time provides a unique
opportunity – an environment of thinking and reminiscing. More importantly,
it’s provided me with the opportunity to re-evaluate all that I've found to be
worthwhile in my past as I make decisions in the present.
· Perhaps
the biggest regret I've found through reminiscing is losing sight of the big
picture and not spending enough quality time with people.
· So
often we become caught up with what we (mistakenly) deem as important, where in
hindsight, we wonder what the big deal was. Just think: catching all 150
Pokémon, the date to the high school prom/formal, plans for the 18th birthday,
and the whole first year of university… The list goes on.
For me, one year ago today, I would have been
working around the clock to complete my final project for my Master of
Architecture. I’d be popping Zoloft as I struggled to see the big picture.
Design and architecture is never really complete – the mentality is to review,
critique, and keep coming back to re-imagine how the product could have been
done better. I often make the mistake of implementing this overly critical
thinking in my everyday life. Like fibre, self-criticism is helpful
in small doses, but can wreak havoc if you go overboard.
Even the distant past echoes reminders of mistakes
not to be repeated in the future. Ten years ago today, I would be living in a
shed, which was an upgrade from living in the caravan while dad built the new
family home. There was no-way I wanted to invite friends over to my place then,
so I killed countless hours playing pointless games on the computer, alone – a
bad habit that continues to plague me. My present self regrets not getting over
the reality of the environment in which I was living, so that friendships could
flourish and new adventures could be found.
· Preaching
to myself – even living in a basement the size of a shoe-box shouldn't inhibit
one from practicing hospitality. Or at least trying.
So anyhow, where is all this going? Well, looking
backward can have some benefits (as described above) but it only brings us to
the present. If you project forward to the future and make decisions now that
lead to the kind of life you wish to have, then the possibility for regret is
minimized while the opportunity to become who you wish to be is maximized.
A popular North American preacher once said,
“Define your life forward, then live it backward.”
If you take the steps to reach who you wish to be,
and providing you follow through on these good intentions with integrity,
perhaps then – even if things don’t go the way you hoped or planned – you can
be the person you are today with few regrets*.
*Just don’t forget to constantly challenge yourself
on what’s truly most important.
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