A Beautiful Bokeh Background.

I won’t deny that I’m not broken. Of course I’m broken – I’m human.

There are a million songs and lyrics to label life’s hardships, pains, disappointments, and frustrations. As I review the years, the overwhelming number of songs that have touched me, as though they written by someone who had been living in my heart and head, composing something that could not better describe my situation, makes me realise that any readers of this blog have already missed much of my past. To revisit the past is often to re-live the emotions of the past. It’s not often that we want to go there, unless remembering pure, good times un-eclipsed by anything negative what-so-ever. Those moments are rare, if existent at all.

So I wondered how 'public' I should make this blog. Should I give an overview of myself, background and upbringing, so that conversation may be better understood though empathy and my (changing) way of thinking? Nope. The blur of life and times past isn't the focus.

While I enjoy matters of clarity, we start and live where we are. Re-starting where I am (back in Australia) caused me to question myself, my aspirations and motives. Perhaps you may gain from some questions too, if you find yourself needing to embrace change.

One question I'm currently dealing with revolves around the blur of life-choices and direction. I took a short break from my architecture study to serve at a camp in Canada, to do a semester of bible college, and to work for a portion of the year. With all that mostly done, the question remains: what am I to do? If you find yourself wallowing in self-pity or if you just want change in your life, my challenge is this: what are you changing, then? Do you expect something different to happen if you’re not doing anything to make it so?

I once heard a quote, “insanity is to repeat the same thing over and over again, and expect a different result”. While I think good habits eventually pay off, there's a moldy truthfulness in this quote, that highlights the stagnancy of an unchanging attitude.

Don’t be afraid of change, learn to embrace it.

I've heard many people say, “I’m just waiting on God...” --for/to... what? Tell you what He wants you to do with your life? There is nothing wrong with that – in fact, that’s often admirable. The thing is... He’s already told us. You’re the one that will ultimately make the decisions in your life. If you’re a Christian, the Holy Spirit is there as a guide and prompter, but you are the one who will have to eventually call the shots. From things as simple as what you choose to do with thoughts that enter your mind, all the way to choosing to love God, by loving His commands, loving others as yourself... and going where He leads. Often, the biggest adventures start by going out on a limb – continuing where the path ends. If God wants you to do something specific, you will find out about it, and you will be convicted of it. That deep, grumbling urge in your gut that makes you feel like you have to do something or the world will not be right cannot be ignored. If that nervous, gut-wrenching feeling is persistent, then seek wisdom as you discern the right course of action. Until then, learn to relax and enjoy living with God day-by-day.

Seek to spend time with God, and remember the basics. What does God require of you? To act justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God. What is the greatest commandment? Love God with all you have (and all you haven’t). Your strength, mind, heart, and soul. How do you love God? Spend time with him! Seek to be more like His example in Jesus. Love others as you love yourself.

I think you’ll find that (re)starting with the basics, while it might not give immediate answers... will erase the (wrong) questions we had to begin with.

Personally, I’ve found comfort in what has in some ways become an adopted philosophy of mine: “Love God first, then do what you like.” The first is integral. If you love God before anything else, and seek His kingdom above all else, then ‘what you like’ will:

1) Be in line with God’s will.

2) Be changed to be more like ‘what He likes’.

Confusing? Maybe. God will always give us all we need. All those things that will be ‘added unto you’... will probably be because they don’t matter to you so much anymore. When God is first, many of our ‘wants’ seem to fade away. With that said, some don't. For example, the desire for a relationship that will lead to marriage and a family is something I've always hoped for, but until the right girl comes along (and afterward, as well of course), there is comfort and peace in not requiring anything else.

When we commit ourselves to God and delight ourselves in Him, I believe that our desires will be like His desires... So I guess it could all be summarised to this:

If you want to please God, love Him. Be proactive in your love. Spend time with Him. Be an imitator of God.

Lastly, I don’t apologise for writing this late at night (or early in the morning, whichever you prefer). Honesty and (sometimes) irrationality comes out at night... and I’m aware that fatigue and poor judgement and thinking also rears its ugly head. With that said though, and in the knowledge that I’ll regret this in the morning, there is a certain release of tension to post thoughts at night – at least for myself.

So finally... I know that this is a strange blog. I know it might not make a lot of sense. I know that it doesn't flow very well. I know that I’m broken, and I know that I’m not alone. I know that I don’t have to relive the past to appreciate what I’ve learned in and from it. I know that you and I can start right now, right where we are if we want to make some changes in our lives.

While the countless songs over the years either fade into obscurity, leave a permanent imprint, or exist somewhere in between, I've always appreciated the song "Lord, I don't Know", by the Newsboys (Youtube linked below).

May God lead you to peace that is past understanding... a peace beyond all doubt.

Thoughts? Questions? Comments?